A Welcome Message

It's a great big world we live in. And yet-it's a small world (after all). There are so many different cultures and opinions and theories and beliefs, but there is one thing that exists among them all, and that is FAMILY.

I firmly believe that "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World).

On this blog, I'll share information from my classes, experiences from my own life, thoughts and feelings from my heart-all on the subject of FAMILY.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

How NOT to Fall in Love

Once upon a time, there was a princess. One night, she went to a ball. As she descended the steps to the dance floor, the handsomest prince in all the land surged forward to greet her and take her hand for the first dance. As soon as he placed his hand on her back, she knew! He was the prince for her. They would dance tonight, marry tomorrow, and live happily ever after.... or would they?

Thanks to the movies and our girl-ish daydreams, we often approach dating with this attitude that the man of our dreams is simply going to come along some day, we'll meet, touch for the first time, and the rest will be history.

Perhaps this is why dating has become so unsuccessful in leading to successful marriages and has even become an endangered model for getting to know a prospective spouse.

Rather than the traditional dating and courtship that was once the only dating model, young people today have started to follow others, such as:
Hang out, Make out, Drop out
Date 'em til you Hate 'em

If people approach dating this way, what are their approaches and attitudes towards marriage going to be?

Did you know?
When kissing occurs, 
a chemical called Oxytocin 
(the same bonding chemical 
that forms an attachment 
between mother and baby) 
is released-especially in women, 
so that when the relationship is severed, 
there is an actual wound that takes place? 
Women who kiss around 
a lot have a harder time 
forming an attachment 
in each subsequent relationship, 
therefore making it hard 
for them to commit to a lasting 
relationship or even marriage. 

What is the purpose of dating?
Your ultimate goal is to spend eternity with Heavenly Father, and in His kingdom we will live as eternal families. So the ultimate goal of dating is to find an eternal companion you can make and keep temple covenants with. (taken from Dating FAQs).

Elder Oaks (and his granddaughter) taught the three P's of dating.
A date is:  Planned.  Paid for.  Paired off.

Can you see how this model of dating leads to better marriages than those other models and behaviors?

Look at it this way... according to The Family: A Proclamation to the World, a husband's role is to Preside, Provide, and Protect while the wife's role is to nurture. The three P's of dating prepare us for the three P's of marriage and family life!

Planned ....................... Preside
Paid for ....................... Provide
Paired off ..................... Protect

Let's not just pick on the guys, though. What about us women?
It is our divine role to nurture, so how can dating prepare us to fulfill that role?
Elder Scott said, "[Women] should be developing the sacred qualities that God has given His daughters to excel as a wife and mother: patience, kindliness, a love of children, and a desire to care for them rather than seeking professional pursuits. [They] should be acquiring a good education to prepare for the demands of motherhood."
Men should be looking for such qualities in the women they date. They should plan dates that provide opportunity for these qualities to be proven.

In reality, the sequence for getting to know and falling in love with someone has become totally skewed. Where a relationship should look like this-->

it quite often is the opposite, and that leads to problems down the road. The healthiest order of relationship development is Dating -> Courtship -> Engagement -> Marriage.

A perfect love is the love that combines all four of the greek translations of the word:
Storge - The least discriminating kind of love. The love of affection.
Philia - The kind of love that exists between friends.
Eros - Romantic love between a man and woman. It is more than a desire for sex, though it is included. It is longing to be with a particular person, thinking about them.
Agape - Christlike love. Acting for the well-being of someone else, regardless of whether you like them or not.
(Marriage & Family The Quest for Intimacy by Lauer and Lauer)

If you follow smart dating practices and find someone for whom you feel all of these kinds of love, I'd suggest sticking with that person. Chances are, you'll live a lot happier ever after than your favorite fairy tale couple.

The End.

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